NOVEMBER 2003
[back] to Features

Not Star Trek Fans But Vagina Worshippers
By Ryan Davis (TX PSY CO)
All Photos By Susan Slater

NOTE: Immediately following the initial posting of this interview, the original guitarist for the Photon Torpedoes Leo De Blaauw (who now plays with a Dutch psychobilly band called The Monolith Monsters) contacted me with some more background info on the band. Apparently, Leo had started the Photon Torpedoes in Holland (with Roy from WreckingPit.com on upright bass) before he moved to America. In addition, the song "Photon Torpedoes" was written before Leo actually moved to Boston. Once in Boston, Leo started a band with Alien Rob and Ricky Magic but no one could think of what to call it. After the former bandmates from the Dutch band Photon Torpedoes gave their OK, it was then decided that this new Boston band (now featuring Leo, Ricky Magic, and Alien Rob) would also take the name Photon Torpedoes. And one final note from Leo is that the original Photon Torpedoes (from Holland) were in fact Star Trek fans. Ok....whew....now please read on.

I have to admit I wasn't all that familiar with the Photon Torpedoes a few weeks ago but once I checked out their site at thePhotonTorpedoes.com I had to know and hear more. So I convinced the band's singer, Alien Rob, to do an interview for this feature on The Photon Torpedoes for TexasPsychobilly.com. The Pho Torps are an interesting breed and I have come to appreciate their music and their outlook in this international scene we call PSYCHOBILLY.
Background: The Photon Torpedoes hail from Boston, MA and have been penetrating the world with their "music" since 1999, the year they released their debut record It Came From Outer Space (Raucous). Since then they have released a couple seven inches, another full-length album Creature Double Feature (Spindrift 2002), and appeared on several compilation projects and movie soundtracks. Their third full-length album is recorded and will be available soon. The band has also made noteworthy appearances at the NYC Psychobilly Rumble, the West Coast Wreckers Ball, and the American Nightmare Festival as well as touring both the west and east coasts. When I first put on the Photon Torpedoes last album Creature Double Feature, my immediate thoughts were "This is full of tits, vagina, and great upright bass!". My next thoughts were that anybody out there who likes and follows Demented Are Go! and Barnyard Ballers will probably find the Photon Torpedoes right up their alley. In other words, there are sick and humorous overtones to this band's music and controversy is never but a stone's throw away. Read on and find out why.

<TX PSY> So I have a definition here from some crazy Star Trek fan website of a 'Photon Torpedo', calling the object a "Tactical weapon used by Federation starships. Photon torpedoes are self-propelled missiles containing a small quantity of matter and antimatter bound together in a magnetic bottle, launched at warp speed at a target. Photon torpedoes are usually the weapon of choice when a starship is at warp speed, since they are not limited by the speed of light." Alien Rob, please explain the significance of calling your band The Photon Torpedoes...

Alien Rob

<Alien Rob> When we started we couldn't all agree on a name and our guitar player back then had written a song called 'Photon Torpedoes' so we just took the name. We've thought about changing it since then but never really got around to it. Honestly I'm not really a Star Trek fan.
<TX PSY> Hmm, okay well that explains the choice of the band name then. I never understood the fanatical fascination with Star Trek. Do you play the song 'Photon Torpedoes' still and if so, is the song about "self-propelled missiles containing a small quantity of matter and antimatter"?
<Alien Rob> No, we never play that one anymore.
<TX PSY> I guess I'm just going to have to accept that I'm not going to get an answer about "self-propelled missiles". I know how to shoot self-propelled missiles…usually right back on my stomach. What's all the controversy about regarding your song 'Revere Beach Rapist'?
<Alien Rob> The controversy regarding the 7" is just PC retards that wanna cry about something. The song is a fictional story about a rapist and some people think that makes us pro rape. Honestly I think it's pretty funny.
<TX PSY> So you're not pro rape?
<Alien Rob> No, I've never had to force it on a girl, they all asked for it.
<TX PSY> Didn't some city ban you guys?
<Alien Rob> I heard that we weren't allowed to play in Portsmouth, NH but I don't know what the deal with that is.
<TX PSY> But do you know if Portsmouth banned you because of the 7-inch or was it something else?
<Alien Rob> I don't think it was the 7", I think it was just because we played the song somewhere and it offended a few people.
<TX PSY> Who wrote the song and who designed the cover of that 7-inch?
<Alien Rob> Rick, our drummer wrote the song and designed the cover with his girlfriend who took the pictures.
<TX PSY> Is psychobilly devil worshipping music?
<Alien Rob> As far as devil worshipping goes, I like anything naughty. But our drummer is more of a vagina worshipper.
<TX PSY> I have heard about obsessions like this before...about guys worshipping the vagina and wanting one of their very own. I guess it's the "inverse" or at least the closest thing to penis envy that some ladies have, right?
<Alien Rob> Our songs that have the word vagina in them are all Rick's creations. He had a bumper sticker on his old car that said, "I'm a Vagiterian".
<TX PSY> I can only imagine how many vegetarians and feminists were driving around boiling mad after reading that little phrase. Sounds like Rick could have been a gynecologist. Tell us about your newest member to the Torpedo fold, Captain Ringstinger…
<Alien Rob> Well, he's about as much fun as a broken arm. We just recorded with him but we are now using Zacko Destructo from Satan's

Ricky Magic

Teardrops on bass.
<TX PSY> I've never had one, but I would imagine that a broken arm isn't very fun. Hopefully Zacko Destructo works out for the band. Is there a psychobilly scene in Boston?
<Alien Rob> Unfortunately there is no psycho scene in Boston. It's pretty much us and a couple of our friends that are into it.
<TX PSY> Then do you guys play more often with punk bands or rockabilly bands?
<Alien Rob> We play with bands like Satan's Teardrops, sometimes Kings of Nuthin'. Some garage bands and local punk bands. We play much better shows in New York because there's a little more of a scene there.
<TX PSY> What kind of scene exists in New York?
<Alien Rob> There are a few psychos there but there are a lot of punks and rockers into it as well.
<TX PSY> Explain your feelings playing and being at the American Nightmare in Southern California earlier this year…
<Alien Rob> The American Nightmare was a load of fun. I missed a lot of bands from being at the bar and hanging out with new people. I can't believe how many really young kids were there and into all the bands.
<TX PSY> Missing a band's set does sometimes happen in California because of certain cities' strict all-age and alcohol policies. People head to a bar before a show and forget why they went out that night in the first place. How did you like the West Coast Wreckers Ball in 2002?
<Alien Rob> The Wreckers Ball was a great party. Loads of great bands, booze, drugs, trashed hotel rooms… that's the way it should be.
<TX PSY> Do you like hard-core drugs like cocaine and heroin?
<Alien Rob> Hard-core drugs?!!!! We like to have a good time, whatever that may involve!
<TX PSY> Anything to say about the Psychobilly Rumble in NYC/New Jersey in 2001?
<Alien Rob> I was at the Rumble but I had quit the band before it so I didn't play. But it was the coolest thing that ever went on 4 hours away from home. It's too bad they never got another one together.
<TX PSY> What's the deal with Photon Torpedoes' musical involvement in the movie about Beetlejuice (from Howard Stern)?
<Alien Rob> We were supposed to write a song for the juice movie but I haven't heard anything recently about it.
<TX PSY> You guys have a song in the movie "Die You Zombie Bastards" too, right? How did that come about?
<Alien Rob> The "Die You Zombie Bastards" people asked bands to submit songs and we did. Ours is on the trailer so I think that means it's in the movie.
<TX PSY> Have you seen the movie "Cabin Fever"? Any thoughts?
<Alien Rob> Haven't seen "Cabin Fever" yet. I've heard good and bad things.
<TX PSY> What do you think about the remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"?
<Alien Rob> I'm a big fan of the original and usually think remakes suck (like "Psycho") but this one might be good. They changed the script a little and tried to base it more on Ed Gein.
<TX PSY> Also the thing with Ed Gein is that he acted alone. There never was a deranged family. Ed's mother died before he started skinning and eating people although I think he claims to have been haunted by his mother's ghost. Any thoughts on that?
<Alien Rob> The retarded family was just some Hollywood magic. I've been a fan of Ed's for years. I even have a big tattoo of his face on my arm.
<TX PSY> I have a big tattoo of Marilyn Manson on my ass. Not just one butt cheek either. It spans both of my buns with Marilyn's nose resting on top of my ass crack. Just kidding, but Marilyn Manson wrote some music for the Chainsaw remake. What do you think of that?

Alien Rob

<Alien Rob> Don't really follow Marilyn Manson but I thought it was really cool how he had all those church groups protesting outside all of his gigs in the mid 90s.
<TX PSY> Please explain the concept behind the Photon Torpedoes' song "Caught with the Meat in Your Mouth"...
<Alien Rob>"Caught with the Meat in your Mouth" is a cover of an old Dead Boys song. You can use your imagination to figure out what they're talking about.
<TX PSY> I don't know the song. When I use my imagination, I picture biting into a Meatball sandwich with extra sauce. Am I close?
<Alien Rob> Pretty close, it's kinda about suckin' dick for drugs.
<TX PSY> Dude or gal?
<Alien Rob> Gal.
<TX PSY> That's cool then, hopefully it was meth-amphetimine she was giving head for. You guys have had a lot of members and several of you seem to be able to hop around and switch instruments and vocals. What's up with that?
<Alien Rob> I used to play bass so we worked it so I still play on 2 songs.
<TX PSY> And then do you still sing when you play upright? I think I've seen pictures with you on bass and someone else on the lead mic?
<Alien Rob> Rick sings one and the regular bass player sings the other.
<TX PSY> What planet are you from Alien Rob and what color is the sky there?
<Alien Rob> I come from "Schnoorgeil-Haughphilk" and the sky is dripping green.